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Auto Pilot


The last few months my husband has been working permanently out of town. We do plan on joining him shortly. Over this last year my husbands career has taken him out of town quite often, usually a week at a time, home on the weekends. That week felt like an eternity! My husband and I have the kind of relationship that we can spend 24/7 with each other and still be in love at the end of the day! We have owned a business that we did just that for some time. I do love my husbands company, he is truly my best friend. Don’t get me wrong, yes we do on occasions get on each others nerves and have had many disagreements over our years together, usually out of being and exhausted parent.

Our kids took this hit of emotions pretty hard. I am sure every mother will understand the struggle of seeing our kids in distress and not being able to make it go away. Its heart breaking to be the “behind” the sense mom when their father walks out that door to not return for a day, week, month or even some families a year or more. I never imagined my family to be one of them; we are not military. Which I do not know why I only thought military families had this struggle.

One of our daughters Izzabella is the most apparent with the emotions part. It stemmed back when she was a baby and my husbands health started his decent into a life long trial. He has been in and out of the hospital for various reasons since she was about 10 months old. Izzabella is #4 out of 5. This is when Auto Pilot mom came to be as well. My oldest 2 I never really had the struggle of needing to turn on Auto Pilot even though I had periods of being and actual single mom. “The saying about the more kids you have the easier it gets because they can all entertain each other” ya not so much. Yes, my kids do play with each other and maybe %10 of the time I don’t have to be referee mom! So I don’t know what mother/father had said that? It has not reign true in my life.

My oldest daughter is now married and has given us a beautiful grand baby girl. Only 3 kiddos are left at home as we speak. They are all at an age that I don’t have to necessarily be up right away when I hear them stir. The oldest at home can make breakfast now if need be. So my Auto Pilot has changed a bit over the years of motherhood. I relied on it so much more when they were little.

Some one at church Asked me how I was doing, I am not the typical person who answers these questions with the typical “Great, How are you?” don’t really expect and honest answer back kind of person. I am generally honest and will say things like ” I Alive” or “I here so thats a plus ( with a little sad chuckle)” or even “not so good but God is good” My response this particular time was ” Im on Auto Pilot” It sort of hit me by surprise, did I really just say that? I thought to myself… Yep! So once again the Auto Pilot switch was turned on, this time for a whole new reason.

The last few months of barely seeing my husband with the thought of thinking he was still in good health and thrivingly providing for us, Auto Pilot single mom kicked in durning these times like every other time in the past. This time is different, instead of my physical Auto Pilot its been my emotional Auto Pilot ever since my husband told me the drs. think I have Throat cancer. Emotional Auto Pilot? Is that even a real thing? Well I can attest to it now!

Emotional Auto Pilot is to me more of the zombie stage of piloting. Its going from a mind of continual anxious thoughts to using anything to drowned out your mind, to focus on things that do not let your mind go down the rabbit holes because you have to focus on that particular thing which is taking up all the space in your mind for that moment. Some people I am sure have resorted to more extreme things like drugs and Alcohol. I have been down that road in my past and I can proudly say that is not an option for many years now. So how to people that do not drowned away their thinking in” those options” do it….. Like I listed a few above. They often can become addictions as well. Workaholic, gameoholic, socialoholic, you name it and add “oholic” at the end of it.

The Bible talks about or minds and what it should and should not be thinking about quite often. Our minds are linked quiet closely to our souls. Our mind and our heart make up our souls, even though often times it can seem like oil and water that just do not mix well! Our minds are that logical scientific factual professor where as our hearts or our conscious is our lil Jimmy Cricket on our shoulder telling our minds they are wrong. Such and internal battle we have going on between our heart and mind. But This is how God designed us so it is a perfect design when we can master it.

Mastering it on the other hand, now that takes a life time plus! And NEVER without help. Therefore the bible has much to say about it. The bible talks about guarding our hearts in Proverbs 4:23

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it!

So how can we do this if we are on Auto Pilot? We can’t! simply put. Creating good spiritual habits before you have to endure a time where your Auto Pilot needs to kick in will help in such a tremendous way! Training our thought to Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, what ever is noble, what ever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things!

So if your Auto Pilot is on, who is the driver? Your bad habits, bad thoughts, the devil, the world? Or God…..

People ask me all the time why I only listen to mostly Christian music. My answer is this. If I am singing a song aimed to praise my God or point me to him, there is no room at that moment to think of anything else. Your brain as complex and amazing it is can only think of one thing at a time. So occupying my thoughts with praise songs helps me not follow the rabbit whole titled ” what ifs” I listen to music so much that there is almost always a song in my brain even when I am not physically listening to one.

I get not every one loves music as much as I do. Either way find that thing in life that you do love that is healthy and can point you towards God. Cause life is hard. Being an Christian does not make us immune to this fallen world. It gives us a helper to point us to what really matters. So My question is this Who is in the drivers seat? Because there will come a time in your life when you need to put it in Auto Pilot!

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