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Provers 27:19 NLT As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person.

Today has been a humbling day of reflection as it is the day our Lord was in the grave. Tomorrow is a glorious day, but today…. my heart is humbled by what he did on the cross yesterday for me. Can you imagine being one of his followers that day? Today would have been such a heart wrenching day, still in shock maybe still wondering if it is all true, maybe even a “Doubting Thomas” questioning if it was all real? Questioning why he is still dead? Dead… wow yes Our Jesus is Dead.

Honestly this verse hits home hard. I am still struggling with my self image; aren’t we all though. I have been over weight for a number of years now. My depression has kept me there as a chain shackled to my foot. I can start naming and blaming all the things that are really just excuses when you get down to it! Yes, I have health issues, yes I have had past surgeries that actually kept me from exercising. I can no longer hold my self to those any longer because I really have no excuses any more. I just need to get up and do it, start the habit and go!

I unfortunately had a not so great start of my preteen life with learning to love myself from the inside out. I grew up in a place that no matter where you turned you will see what the world thinks all women should look like, all outward beauty and the lie of what men want. I now feel just as bad for the men who grew up there as well, being told one thing that is far from reality, the devil drew them into a life of sin, addiction and betrayal as well. The life I lead as a young teen into my young adult life was far from pleasing to our Lord. I did grow up going to church and I knew enough to have the holy spirit in my life tugging at my heart to turn from sin. Unfortunately the need to be accepted from the world was greater in my life at this time. I look back at my pictures and think what I would love to look like that again, and also remembering at that time I hated the way I looked then too! Oh how screwed up my thinking was back then.

My husband and I are teaching our kids about inner beauty and what pleases God. These 2 verses are hung in our bathroom:

1 Peter 3: 3-4 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God

1 Timothy 2:9-10 Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, 10 but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness.

I do think girls have more of an issue than boys but still both our girls and boy need to know what true beauty is. Noah our son needs to know not to look for a wife in only outward beauty as well. I did not have an earthly father that taught me these things. There fore I search the world to tell me how I should look and feel. Fathers have such an important roll in raising kiddos!

Jesus died a horrible death not because of the bad things I did and will still do because we are not perfect on this earth. Yes, I will try daily to turn from sin! He died because he LOVES me! There for I strive to be better to do better to make my heart a heart after his own. I do not want to waste what he did for me on that cross. I want my heart to reflect his beauty and glory! Its never too late to change, God is always standing with his arms open waiting for us to repent and come home. If it takes repenting 10x a day then do it because the more we humble ourselves and pray that repenting will turn into 8x then 3x ect, don’t get down on yourself for the times you fail, but rejoice in the times you don’t!

I am not talking about doing what ever you want to then ask for forgiveness after. This is a heart issue and God knows our hearts intent before we even do it! We sin in our hearts before we actually physically do the sin. So taking care of our hearts is Gods priority!

Its a work in progress, but a work non the less! Don’t give up, keep on going, keep on smiling and keep on loving your self and others! God made the ultimate sacrifice of LOVE for us! Use today to look in the mirror and see Gods beautiful creation, remember  what our Lord did for you today! If you were the only person on this earth he would have still died for YOU!

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